Greggity

“The liberty of the individual is no gift of civilization. It was greatest before there was any civilization.” – Sigmund Freud

As pretentious as it may be to quote Freud, these particular words have been bouncing around in my head a lot lately.

What really is liberty? Is it an absolute? (In other words, you are either free or not free…)

Or is it something that can be portioned out? Can you be free with limitations? Can there be varying degrees of liberty?

I think it is all relative, just like the concepts of safety and reality. I mean, reality is perception and that’s a whole other topic for another day, but one thing the concepts of safety and liberty have in common is that they are merely illusions.

To suggest that the state (or anyone for that matter) could deliver safety and security to anyone else is to suggest that they can control chaos. By definition chaos cannot be controlled. Therefore all of the measures taken for the sake of “protecting American citizens” are at best empty promises. The fiasco that followed hurricane Katrina showed us that.

We are supposed to accept as fact that the reason 9/11 happened was because the government didn’t have ENOUGH power to prevent it. Therefore we all just agree that they should have MORE power to violate our privacy and our civil and human rights so that they may protect us from chaos.

Are we giving them enough power to protect us from magic? What about Super Novas? What if our sun were to explode tomorrow? Does our government have enough power to keep us safe?

This concept is no more ridiculous than protecting us from terrorism. But we buy it. Why?

Maybe because the corporately-owned media told us it made sense. Maybe because we were so scared we were willing to believe anything. Maybe we’re all idiots.

Maybe a little of each.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking a lot about liberty lately what with all that’s going on with the anti-China protests around the world.

Our retarded president plans on attending the Olympic games in Beijing in spite of all the international attention on China’s human rights violations. He said the games are “about athletics, not politics.”

The fact is, for him to attempt to speak out against human rights violations would be so hypocritical that China would have to call him on it…and we can’t have that.

Of course it’s not at all hypocritical for a “Pro-Life” president to turn a blind eye toward a government that made abortions mandatory for pregnant women who already had one child.

My bottom line is, freedom doesn’t really exist. It is an illusion. We are all slaves. We all have rules we have to live by and just like in China, if we say the wrong thing to or about the wrong person we will be tortured and killed. That is not freedom.

If any of you disagree with me then please, feel free to explain to me in what way exactly are we free?

Here is today’s “Greggited” news story concerning the Fed cutting a key interest rate in a vain attempt to put the brakes on our descent into the next great depression. The original story was published on FOXNews’ FOXBusiness site, which you can read by clicking this link:

FOMC Slices Key Interest Rate by 0.75%; Fed Funds Rate Now 2.25%

The Federal Reserve on Tuesday continued its illusion of efforts to ward off a recession or worse by slashing three-quarters of a point off a key interest rate.

The move clearly reflects the Fed’s belief that it needs to do all it can to help alleviate fears that the economy has fallen and can’t get up, as well as it’s own delusion that it has the ability to do so at this point.

Prior to the announcement, economists and Wall Street traders were in disagreement over the size of the Fed’s move. But few believed the Fed would swerve from its aggressive approach toward righting the recent economic downturn. In other words, it was a bunch of yap with no substance.

“Fed officials are in full crisis mode and are striving to appear to be preventing a collapse,” said Maury N. Harris, chief economist at UBS.

Members of the Federal Open Market Committee, led by Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke, voted 8 to 2 in favor of the cut. In a statement released after the move was announced, the committee reasoned that the “outlook for economic activity has become unbelievably shitty.”

“Growth in consumer spending has slowed and labor markets have softened. Financial markets remain under considerable stress, and the tightening of credit conditions and the deepening of the housing contraction are likely to weigh on economic growth over the next few quarters,” the members added. “In other words, we’re fucked.”

Still, inflation was on the minds of the committee — a concern that may have prevented a full point cut, which had been expected by many on Wall Street whose pants are already packed full of feces.

The 75 basis point cut will translate immediately into lower rates for consumers and businesses as banks cut their prime lending rate by a similar amount and the value of the U.S. dollar plummets to that equal to bathroom tissue (used).

Interest rate cuts are designed to prompt spending and push a stagnant economy toward growth, or at least to create the illusion that the Fed is capable of saving this sinking ship which is our economy.

“We’re in the middle of the worst part of the recession,” said John Silvia, chief economist for Wachovia. “It’s all downhill from here as we spiral into a depression.”

The federal funds rate, the interest that banks charge each other on overnight loans, now stands at 2.25%, down from 4.25% at the beginning of the year.

That was before global market turmoil in January prompted an emergency three-quarter-point cut on Jan. 22 and a half-point move eight days later, the biggest reductions in a single month in more than a quarter-century. Likewise, we have the worst president setting the economic agenda that we’ve had in the past two and a half centuries.

Financial markets have see-sawed in recent days, jarred by the collapse of Bear Stearns Cos. (BSC: 6.42, +1.61, +33.47%), the nation’s fifth largest investment house, which was undone primarily by greed.

Good news came in the form of JPMorgan Chase & Co. (JPM: 41.94, +1.63, +4.04%) decision to purchasing Bear Stearns at a fire-sale (aka: vulture) price on Sunday in a deal helped along with a pledge that the Fed would supply a $30 billion line of credit to back up Bear Stearns’ assets. They have offered nothing to back up Greggity’s assets.

That offer over the weekend was the latest move by a central bank that has been pulling out all of the stops, including using Depression-era procedures, to pump cash into the financial system, much like a man flailing his arms wildly as he plummets 1,000 feet to his death. The flailing of the arms does nothing, but he can’t help but flail.

“There is no reason for the Fed not to be aggressive,” Mark Zandi, chief economist at Moody’s Economy.com told the Associated Press. “The economy is in a recession, the financial system is in disarray and inflation is low. Also, they already have all the money.”

In other moves, the Fed last week announced that it would lend up to $200 billion of Treasury securities that it owns to investment banks starting March 27 for a period of up to 28 days in return for a like amount of the investment banks’ shunned mortgage-backed securities. The Fed also announced recently that it was boosting the size of special loans it has been making since December to commercial banks.

There are plenty of reasons to think they will not live up to this offer, but the psychological impact on the markets and consumers is what’s important here.

“I don’t know where the floor is and I don’t think the Fed knows either,” said Stuart Hoffman, chief economist with PNC Financial Services Group. “In fact, I’m so drunk right now I just pissed and shat myself.”

“And silence contagious in moments like these
Consumed me and strengthened my will to appease
The passion that sparked me one terrible night
And shocked and persuaded my soul to ignite”

I have become so frustrated and tired of the crap we are fed every day by the media that I have decided to do something about it.

The first of these is a story from CNN regarding the resignation of Adm. William Fallon as Chief of U.S. Central Command. If you want to see the story pre-Greggity Editing (Greggiting), you can click on this link:

U.S.: Resignation Doesn’t Mean Iran War

BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) — U.S. Defense Secretary Robert Gates has a fetish dismissed as “ridiculous” by his wife, who claims to have engaged in role-playing activities dressed as Moe Sizlac from The Simpsons. Furthermore, Gates flailed his arms wildly and screamed as tears ran down his face while shrieking that any suggestion that the resignation of America’s military chief in the Middle East signals that the United States is planning to go to war with Iran is highly intuitive and if you don’t shut up about it “I’m telling.”

Adm. William Fallon had been serving raspberry tarts as chief of U.S. forces in the Middle East and Central Asia since 2007 until the supply of fresh raspberries suddenly dried up.

Adm. William Fallon resigned Tuesday as chief of U.S. forces in the Middle East and Central Asia after just a year in the post, citing what he called an inaccurate perception that he has an infinite supply of fresh raspberries. Although he is at odds with the Bush administration over Iran, Fallon said that has nothing to do with his ability to acquire fresh produce.

Fallon, the head of U.S. Central Command, was the subject of a recent Playgirl magazine profile that portrayed him as a transvestite in Iran, which the Bush administration accuses of trying to develop nuclear weapons despite having no evidence of this having undermined the U.S.’s human intelligence in the region when Vice President Dick Cheney outed former CIA agent Valerie Plame in retaliation for her husband blowing one of the Bush administrations outrageous WMD lies.

“Although I don’t believe there have ever been any differences about the objectives of our policy in the Central Command area of responsibility, the simple perception that there is makes it difficult for me to effectively serve raspberry tarts there,” Fallon said in a written statement.

In Washington, Defense Secretary Gates told reporters at the Pentagon he accepted Fallon’s resignation “with an erection.”
But, he added, “I think it’s the aphrodisiac properties of raspberries.”

“Admiral Fallon reached this difficult decision entirely on his own. I believe it was the right thing to do, even though I do not believe there are in fact significant differences between his red raspberries and black raspberries,” Gates said.

Gates said repeatedly that he was told to repeat that he believed talk of Fallon opposing President George W. Bush on military action against Iran was mistaken, although that repeated statement is “not at all accurate.”

Wouldn’t you like to make a buck?

Sure you would. Who wouldn’t?

What would you be willing to do for that buck?

Would you overcharge for a service that you’ve already automated and therefore requires no effort on your part. That seems reasonable. After all, you put the mechanisms in place for the process to be automated.

What about selling something you acquired for less than that buck? You’re entitled to a little profit. If the buyer doesn’t like it, he can go directly to the source like you did.

What if you’re earning interest on a loan you made to someone in a tough spot. They get help and you make a little money. Certainly no harm done there.

Maybe you manufactured something someone else wants. Of course you deserve to be paid for that…no matter what the product is or what it is used for.

What about murder? What if you were paid to kill someone? Does that seem right? You’re performing a service. Hmmm…or should morality come into play? Does morality have any place in business?

Okay, maybe you’re not killing someone but manufacturing a weapon that is made for the sole purpose of taking human life. The demand is there and you’re just filling the demand. There can’t be anything wrong with that. Also, the morality question is a moot point if used for self-defense. Everyone should have the right to defend themselves.

Perhaps you don’t even own the business that makes these weapons. Perhaps you’re merely investing your money in their stock so that you may profit off of their dealings. Perhaps the people those weapons are being sold to aren’t using them for defense. Perhaps they are using them for offense. Does morality then come into play?

If you happen to have enough money/influence that you can encourage the use of these weapons being used to attack and kill people, you could then increase your own income. There is no morality in business, right? Business is where you find it…right?

Where is the line drawn? Is there no line anymore between right and wrong?

War is business.

2nd Decree
All hail the verile and libidinous Soon-To-Be Emperor Greggity!
My second decree is that henceforth clothing shall be optional for all subjects within the Greggity Empire. That is to say if nudity is preferred, clothing shall not be required except for those people who have received a citation by the Imperial Aesthetics Police.

Citations may be given for the following infractions of the Emperor’s laws:
1.) Body fat that exceeds 10 percent of total body weight unless it is determined to be distributed in acceptable areas of the body. 2.) There is no acceptable area for men. 3.) Excessive body hair in places other than those which are consistent with the species. 4.) Underweight bodies on which areas that normally protrude are concave and the skeletal structure protrudes instead.

Additionally the Aesthetics Police will have the power to make judgement calls, reviewable by my Minister of Aesthetics. I am considering Bob Guccione and Hugh Heffner for this position, based on their long history of excellent judgement.

People with extremely unfortunate facial unpleasantness, yet bodies that meet the above guidelines will be encouraged to forego clothing as this will help distract eyes away from their faces. Monetary bonuses may even be instituted.

My philosophy concerning nudity is that we all can benefit from being unfettered and surrounded with beauty. Not everyone will be allowed into the breeding pits (where clothing is forbidden), so this may be the fairest decree of all. My generosity is being extended to those who are not genetically sufficient to enter the breeding program (which will be outlined in a future decree).

Anyone who has successfully lobbied for a citation to be rescinded must carry with them the proper paperwork signed by the Minister of Aesthetics, a picture ID, and fresh urine sample in the event that you are stopped again by the Aesthetics Police. How you choose to carry them while nude is up to you, but I strongly urge you to keep them dry (urine sample not withstanding).

Second violations will be punished by two months in a starvation/exercise camp, waxing camp, or force feeding camp depending on the nature of your crime. A third offense will get you a job in the salt mines

I had a dream last night that I shall become Emperor of the new Greggity Empire. Since I consider this dream to be prophetic, I shall now begin announcing decrees laying the groundwork for the laws with which I will govern.

I will not promise to be a fair ruler. I will not even promise to take the wishes of my people into consideration at all. My decisions will all be based on common sense and the good of the empire. You may be unhappy with them, but I will not be elected. I will not be president. I will be your emperor.

1st Decree
All hail the mighty and wise Soon-To-Be Emperor Greggity!
My first decree is to ban the sport of basketball. I mention this first because it is the most popular sport to be found distasteful to your Soon-To-Be Emperor and the one to be dealt with most harshly. All other time-wasting activities will receive more lenience.

The problem with basketball is that it gives young people a false hope that they too may someday earn millions by simply playing with their balls. Very few people actually become professional athletes, and those who do contribute nothing to society. Perhaps a little entertainment for those who enjoy watching this sport, but I personally find this sport to be among the least entertaining events to which one could be witness. I would rather watch the worst movie than the best basketball game.

The far superior sport of American Football is a game of strategy in which every play must be calculated and the worthless muscle heads engaging in the sport batter each other relentlessly resulting in a constant succession of injuries. I find this pleasing.

Basketball on the other hand, consists of nothing but a bunch of tall boys running back and forth, bouncing balls. The only strategy comes in the last two minutes of the game when the time clock must be used wisely.* The rest of the game is a waste of time.

Far too much time and resources are spent on this game. All High Schools and Colleges will be required to yield all of the money spent on basketball back into actually educating students so that subjects of the Greggity Empire may be less ignorant than those of the American Empire.

Those professional basketball players who have squandered their millions and are not able to retire at the time of my rise to power shall be evaluated to find a useful aptitude. If they have nothing to offer society they shall toil in the salt mines. We all need salt.

There are those who would argue (if I were willing to listen to arguments) that basketball is a way out of the “ghetto” for underprivileged inner-city youth and it gives them hope and keeps them out of trouble. My argument (if I were interested in arguing) would be that thugs are going to be thugs if that is their destiny. Look at our Indiana Pacers for example. Spoiling them with riches didn’t prevent their thuggery. There is always more room in the salt mines.

I have spoken.

*Additionally as part of my first decree the term “time clock” is redundant and displeasing to the Soon-To-Be Emperor. From now on it shall be referred to simply as the “clock.”

As a parent and an American citizen I have had enough! For years we have complained about our jobs being outsourced to foreign countries in the interest of large corporations pleasing their investors with higher profits. Their excuse was they had to do so in order to remain competitive in a global market.

We looked the other way while they profited from child slave labor. We looked the other way when our food began coming in poisoned because the foreign companies now doing our work had lower safety standards. We even seemed to look the other way this summer when we found out that 1.5 million Thomas the Tank Engine toys were painted with lead-based paint…and again a couple of weeks ago when Mattel issued a recall for millions more toys sold to Americans when this long-known poisonous substance was found in toys we bought for our children.

All the news media told us how hard it was to prosecute a foreign company, how they don’t fall under our federal safety regulations and how difficult diplomacy is with the Chinese.

And now it has happened again!

What no one (including the relatively unbiased Public Broadcasting System and National Public Radio) had the guts to ask was this: What about the companies who outsourced these jobs in the first place? The companies that are still making huge profits from selling these tainted products to American consumers. The companies such as MATTEL who simply issue a recall and blame it all on the incompetence of the Chinese THAT THEY HIRED TO DO WHAT WERE ONCE AMERICAN JOBS!

Fuck Mattel! It’s time to boycott! And I’m not just calling for a boycott on Mattel, but all of these companies who are not only complicit in these crimes, but DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THEM! What ever happened to Quality Assurance?

If they wanted the job done right, they should have kept the job in America where it was being done right in the first place. These traitorous, greedy bastards hired people with no scruples to do this work and by doing so put our children in peril.

Stop coddling these greedy corporations, America. This is the ugly face of global economics. This is why we need strict guidelines instead of the cold, oppressive regimes like the World Trade Organization forcing their will upon the world, exploiting the poor and disregarding human rights as well as consumer safety. It may be easy for you to say, “Who cares about the kids in Malaysia?” but now it’s affecting our kids too.

You’ve been on the sidelines for too long, America. That is how this outrage has been allowed to happen. That is what will allow it to continue until we stop feeding these monstrous corporations who could give two shits if our children are crippled by lead poisoning.

Boycott Mattel! Boycott outsourcing! When you buy a product that is recalled for reasons blamed on a country that produced said product, boycott the name on the label, not the country. THEY are the ones responsible!

This is my first sampling of brew from the Boulder Beer Company, which is a little bit outside the norm. Usually my first foray into a new Brewer’s lineup comes from an India Pale Ale that has caught my attention (my current favorite style, being the hop-head that I am).

I’ve heard good things about their IPA, but for some reason the Sweaty Betty Blonde caught my eye. Perhaps it was the longing for a light, thirst-quenching beer amidst the current sweltering heat wave, or perhaps it was the name. Sweaty chicks…hmm…we’re all sweaty now actually.

This beer calls itself a blonde ale, but it is actually brewed with wheat which at least puts it teetering on the fence between being a wheat ale and a blonde. Come on Boulder! What are you trying pull? They are two different styles!

The nose immediately announces the wheat. My first thought was a memory of Pyramid’s Hefe Weizen as I sniffed at the very thin head and took in the somewhat sour, fruity esters.

The weiss clove flavor comes through with the first mouthful as well, but then something peculiar happens; a surprisingly crisp, dry finish. How refreshing! Ahh…I needed a beer like this here on the surface of the sun.

Sweaty has a very light body that leaves no trace of lace on the glass, but is balanced with just enough hops to give it that dry mouth feel. That’s not something you usually experience with a wheat beer.

So I give up. I guess it can be both a wheat and a blonde.

I’m going to only give this beer three chugs out of five. It’s a good summer beer and would probably pair well with a bowl of pretzels or perhaps a fish entrée, but the wheat clove flavor leaves a bit of a sour aftertaste that would prohibit me from drinking more than three in a sitting. For most people that may sound like a lot, but I’m talking about how many I could drink…not necessarily that I would drink…but then I do love beer.

I’m impressed enough with Boulder Beer’s mad-scientist-like hybrid that I’m going to have to give their Mojo IPA a day in court…stay tuned.

Here is the official Greggity Beer Rating Scale:

1 Chug
I’ll probably not finish one of these. It’s inconceivable how the brew master allowed this to leave the brewery.

2 Chugs
Not great, but not too bad. I may just have another.

3 Chugs
This beer is pretty good. I would not only have a second, I may have a third.

4 Chugs
This beer is excellent! I want another, and another, and another!

5 Chugs
I will never get enough of this beer! I could drink it all night or until I pass out!

Here is a transcript from my July 24th Ultimate Top 10 songs broadcast on WKLU 101.9 FM for those of you who missed it:

10. Scorpions – No One Like You
This song came out at a time when I was just really getting into guitar-oriented rock. It has a lot of great guitar work, a cool groove and a catchy melody.

9. Rush – Time Stand Still
Too many great Rush songs to choose from but I think this song captures the feeling we all get at some point in our lives when we realize how fleeting every moment is.

8. Motley Crue – Home Sweet Home
Back in the 80s there was no other band with a bigger reputation for debauchery than Motley Crue. They were the “bad boys of rock”, and yet ironically this song has always helped ground me at difficult times in my life. It always takes me back to the summer of ’85, hanging out with my buddies and listening to The Crue. That was home.

7. REM – It’s The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)
I love the early REM music for their alternative sound (before alternative was used to describe mainstream music) and brilliant, poetic lyrics. This song points out that due to life’s constant state of change, it is always the end of the world as we know it.

6. The Rolling Stones – Waiting on a Friend
I love the Stones. I probably could have comprised my whole list of Stones songs and still felt like I left too many out. I decided to choose Waiting on a Friend because it always reminds me of cruising around with my buddy FUG when we had nothing better to do. Also, this song has one of my favorite lines of all time: “A smile relieves a heart that grieves. Remember what I said.”

5. Black Sabbath – War Pigs
This song is perhaps the greatest anti-war song from one of the greatest bands of all time. It speaks to the true nature of those who make war, not those who fight it.

4. Led Zeppelin – Rain Song
Led Zeppelin’s Houses of the Holy may be my favorite rock album. I have to listen to it from beginning to end whenever I put it on. One of the best moments on the album is when everything backs off, Jimmy Page mellows out, and the Rain Song floats in like a gentle summer shower.

3. Pink Floyd – Us And Them
A brilliant examination of nationalism, the socio-economic divide and fear that is exploited and used to turn us against each other so that peace remains but a fleeting, temporary state while war remains a constant.

2. Jimi Hendrix – All Along The Watchtower
The combination of one of the most incredible musicians to ever grace a Fender Strat and some of the most brilliant lyrics composed by the legendary poet Bob Dylan make this one of the greatest songs ever recorded. Rather than climaxing at the end, Dylan merely sets the stage for a great battle and leaves the listener to decide how it will end while Hendrix paints a picture in sound unlike anything played before or since.

1. Bob Marley – One Love (People Get Ready)
This artist has affected me personally more than any other artist. He was a poet, a prophet, a folk hero, and a spokesman for his faith. Bob Marley came from absolute poverty to become a voice for the third world on the international stage and he took all of these roles very seriously. He is the only artist I know of who truly stood for something bigger than himself and lived out every last day of his life in service to that. I don’t know what it’s like to believe in something so much, but I admire Bob for his ability to. This song is about a higher love that overcomes all divisions. One Love.

The lineup is set
The drivers take seat
Three hundred thousand people rise to their feet
A cheer fills the air
The green flag now flies
32 thousand horses roar by

A blur of bright colors
The smell of exhaust
The Brickyard’s alive as the yard of bricks crossed
The power, the fury
The mountains of stands
Filled with an ocean of motor sports fans

An Indy born native
Remembers his youth
Goes back to Carnegie manning the booth
While any outsider
Could not comprehend
His love of racing is like an old friend

Weaned on the Unsers,
Rutherford and Foyt
Before Indy hosted engines built in Detroit
But power is power
And this much is clear
Whenever there’s racing I’ll wish I was here

Yes, it’s true. You will soon be able to hear some of Greggity’s words of wisdom in his own lovely voice on the radio (or internet).

Our local classic rock station that only stops for commercials once an hour, WKLU 101.9 FM has a feature through the week called “My Ultimate Top 10.” I submitted my selections about a month ago and nearly forgot about it until Tuesday night when I received a call from afternoon DJ Crystal McKenzie asking if I would come in and record the intros.

It was a lot of fun and I think it went well as Crystal invited me to come back and do another one soon. I’m looking forward to it.

I’m not going to tell you what was on my list. I will however, give you one hint: There are at least 3 dead guys on it.

Tuesday, July 24th @ 6 p.m. EDT
101.9 FM Indianapolis

Or
Streaming audio on www.WKLU.com

I have a little unsolicited advice for all the Greggity readers. I may dump my brain into this blog now and again, I may go on rants, but I rarely offer advice. It’s usually the kind of thing people don’t want unless they ask for it, and no one ever asks for mine.

However there are a couple of points I feel are of great importance for everyone right now, so I’m afraid I must impose my thoughts on you.

Right in the…
First of all, PLEASE don’t fall for the old bait and switch again. I’m referring to the CIA’s “Family Jewels” revelations of past dirty work that came out this week. Hundreds of declassified documents were released by the agency revealing many illegal activities from the 50s, 60s and 70s.

Folks, this is one of the oldest tricks in the book. When cornered with insurmountable evidence of wrongdoing, an old government ploy is to say, “Well, we admit that we used to do things that way, but now it’s different.” History has shown us again and again that it in fact isn’t different now, but we buy it because it’s what we want to believe…and they know that.

Now that a serious investigation is underway looking into the domestic spying on U.S. citizens since 9/11, suddenly the CIA has decided to show us that they are so open and transparent that they are willing to share secrets about LSD tests on unwitting civilians and assassination plots from the Cold War era.

Don’t fall for it. I guarantee all of you that they are currently involved in much worse illicit activities against us. Maybe they will admit to them in another 50 years when they are waist-deep in some new bullshit.

Irregular Movements
My second piece of advice comes from my current experience with moving. Moving is extremely stressful, complicated and a lot of work no matter how you do it. What makes it so much worse however is dealing with the companies who make their money “helping to make it easier on you.”

PLEASE stay away from the following businesses when planning your next move:

Hogan-Mayflower
I contacted these jerks three weeks before my move day and was assured that scheduling would be no problem at all. They would simply come out and give me an estimate on the cost first and then we’d be set.

A week later the guy finally got around to coming out to look at all I have to move and said he would get the estimate emailed to me right away.

A week later I was still waiting for the estimate, so we began calling other movers to see if it was too late to schedule with one of Hogan’s competitors.

Bekin’s said it would be no problem to get us in and came out to do an estimate. We got their estimate right away, but it was nearly $8,000!!! …and there was no way they could move us on the date we wanted. Nothing like wasting a little more time!

By now it was crunch time and Hogan finally got their estimate to us…but said that now it was too late for them to schedule the move also. Thanks for nothing, Hogan.

Luckily we found another moving company only two days before the move day who could do it.

Brownsburg Crossing Storage
After the fiasco with the moving companies and being that we had to put everything into storage for three weeks, we decided to leave everything at this lovely establishment. It was a lot cheaper than having the moving company store it and the clincher was Brownsburg Crossing Storage would give us free use of their moving truck with one month of space rental. Far out!

Once we had everything moved into the storage unit we called to reserve the truck and were told it wasn’t available TO ANYONE that weekend because the owner was going out of town for her wedding. Of course we pressed and said, “Hey! That was the main reason we went with you guys! You offered the free use of your truck!”

Their response was, “We sent out a notice about it a month ago.” Yeah, a month ago…as in, a week before we even called you in the first place and no one mentioned this when they gave us the sales pitch regarding the free truck rental. This in turn, led us to our next moving nightmare…

U-Haul
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE never use U-Haul. Don’t even call them. Trust me on this one. We had a reservation confirmation number from U-Haul and they called us the day before the move to say we couldn’t have it for the entire time we reserved it because they reserved it for someone else. Confusing? I know!

What the hell is a reservation if it doesn’t reserve? They actually expected us to pay for a 24-hour rental (we had reserved it for 48) but only use it for 16 hours and have it back in time for the people who’s reservation trumped ours for some reason. Hey, they get to charge two people for the same day! What a great deal for them!

Right now I feel like I could open any kind of moving business and clean up just because there is no viable competition. They are so unbelievably incompetent I honestly don’t understand how any of them can run a business at all. From now on, I’m moving myself … or never again.

The last time I mentioned the house situation and jinxed the deal, so I won’t be commenting on that until early July.

I’ve finally decided to weigh in on the immigration debate however. If you want to call it that…because this is where I stand: Both sides are right.

I know, that sucks. Greggity is teetering on the fence on this one, but that’s why I’ve waited so long to say anything. I couldn’t make up my mind which side I agreed with more. Well, I still can’t because I think they both have valid points.

On the one side I agree that immigration needs to be better managed. As with gun control we already have a ton of laws already on the books, but they just aren’t being enforced adequately. The politicians’ solution to that is to pass more laws and the new law requiring passports to travel to Canada and Mexico has exposed once again that there was no forethought on the part of lawmakers because they’re finding it so impossible to enforce that they’ve temporarily relaxed those rules.

On the other hand, I belong to the school of thought that America should be an open society that welcomes those who believe in what this county stands for and embrace the American dream. I know this sounds uncharacteristically jingoistic of Greggity, but when I was young and wide-eyed I still believed in this country so much I enlisted in the Army to serve this ideal I so loved. I guess allowing people who still hold that perception into our country is in a way reassuring to me. It gives me optimism that it can be revived.

The most disgusting argument I continue to hear again and again is that we need these people to do the jobs Americans don’t want to do. There are plenty of Americans who need the work and I’m sure would be willing to do it for reasonable pay, but that’s where the real problem lies. American employers don’t want to pay a fair wage for this kind of work and since the Emancipation Proclamation they haven’t been able to use slave labor to get it done cheaply.

In short, those who are proponents of so-called “amnesty” are really more interested in outsourcing American jobs…within our own borders.

And that’s what I think.

Well, I promised I wouldn’t disappear again and yet it’s been almost two months since my last post. So I apologize for the full-of-shittedness of that statement. It has been a very eventful spring at the Greggity household.

After a year of trying to sell our house near Martinstucky, we finally accepted an offer and have made a deal on a place in Clermont. The posts will continue to come in slowly as we have a very hectic month ahead of us with the moving and all, but for now I have a minute to scoop some crap out of my brain and plop it on my blog. So…here it goes:

Commence-militia
Martial law has been declared at all IPS commencement ceremonies. It’s kinda scary to me. Each graduating class of 2007 in the Indianapolis Public Schools will be receiving their diplomas under the watchful eyes of more than 30 police officers. Why the draconian security measures? Terrorist threats? Student shooting rampages? Violent student demonstrations? … no. The big concern is that someone in the audience might applaud. *ahem* Yeah, that’s right.

Welcome to the big machine of the police state, graduating seniors. Get used to your new found “freedom” being constantly surveilled by those who want to make sure you continue to behave the way they deem is appropriate. You thought you were getting away from that didn’t you? Well they can’t forcibly drug you into behaving correctly anymore…for now.

Update on Iraq: It’s still a nightmare.

Update on politics: Politicians are still bullshitting everyone and accomplishing nothing.

Update on New Orleans: Partial frontal nudity still only costs a string of Mardi Gras beads.

Update on the popular Republican President: Reagan is still dead.

Update on gas prices: Everyone hates the oil companies.

Curtis Courtesy Laugh
This is a new feature at Greggity.CinemaFromage.com in which I point out a recent statement that is so ridiculous it must be a joke, but it’s not funny.

The first ever Curtis Courtesy laugh goes to the worst comedian ever, George W. Bush who said in a press conference yesterday that he still supports Alberto Gonzales and believes Gonzales has done nothing wrong. Wait…that’s not it. It is a little funny, because just think back on all of the people Bush has given his undying support to: Donald Rumsfeld despite is utter failure in the planning and execution of the Iraq invasion, Michael “Heck of a job, Brownie” Brown while New Orleans streets remained clogged with bloated, rotting carcasses, John Bolton who failed to get congressional approval to go to the UN and was so abrasive to all the other diplomats that he accomplished nothing during his time there, Ahmed Chalabi who fed false information to the U.S. government concerning Saddam Hussein’s weapons programs and later was revealed to have been feeding intelligence about U.S. military operations in Iraq to the Iranian government, Paul Wolfowitz who just this week was forced to resign as president of the World Bank following a scandal involving pay raises he gave to his girlfriend, Tom Delay who was forced to resign as House Majority Leader after having been indicted on corruption charges, …the list goes on and on.

But the stupidest unfunny joke Bush told was his follow up statement: “I view what’s going on right now as political theatre. It’s the kind of thing that has caused the American people to lose confidence in the way Washington works.”

The irony is that the President who sold us the preemptive war … a war to prevent war … based on false allegations of weapons of mass destruction and ties to terrorist organizations with comments like “gathering threat,” and “smoking gun in the form of a mushroom cloud,” … a president whose campaign was based on scare tactics and smear tactics alone, … a president who thinks that he has the “political capital” that merely lending his support is enough to sway public opinion as if he has one shred of credibility left. That kind of irony is almost funny, but the consequences of the actions of Bush and all who he supports falls under the category tragic.

Not funny, Dubya.

I sit in front of the TV tonight watching “Ozzy Osbourne Live and Loud” recorded on the “No More Tours” tour in 1992, which I’ve never seen before. It’s shocking to me how long ago that was.

I am overcome with a strange mix of emotions as I watch this piece of my past ranging from nostalgia to…well, mostly nostalgia, but more importantly it reminds me of how much I love Ozzy.

When I was about 15 I remember finding a painters cap with Ozzy’s name on it surrounded by bats for about $4. These were in style at the time and the idea was to cover it with small pins with the names of all your favorite bands, which I did as quickly as possible. I caught flack from someone immediately however who asked, “Do you even have any of his albums?”

My shamed response was “No”, which drew guffaws and much criticism as if it were merely a ploy to look like an Ozzy fan. At 15 however, I barely had the means to buy a $4 hat, much less an $8 album. Of course I had listened to his music and loved him from the beginning, but as materialistic justification goes, I guess that didn’t matter.

For all the years I followed Ozzy I struggled to explain to those who weren’t fans what the appeal was. I’d end up saying, “He’s just the coolest.” As well thought out and bulletproof as this argument was, I proffered few converts. It was just something I found hard to define because to this very day I don’t understand how anyone can escape his charm.

I once heard Ozzy say he didn’t consider himself among the great voices of rock singers such as Robert Plant. He said, “I have a brain the size of a walnut, but I have a really big heart.” To me that always came through in his songs and I couldn’t understand why others didn’t see it. Well, millions did. I think that’s the reason the reality show was such a huge success. Not because reality TV is such a great concept, but because of Ozzy.

Let me elaborate for those of you who weren’t there with me…

I’ve seen Ozzy perform at least half a dozen times over the years including the Ultimate Sin tour with Metallica as an opener. As amazing as it was to see Metallica supporting “Master of Puppets” with the late Cliff Burton and Ozzy descending from the rafters in a winged demon throne, the greatest Ozzy concert experience of my life had to be the very tour I am currenty watching. Not because I got to see it from the front row, but because it was the tour on which I actually had the great fortune of meeting Ozzy himself.

As a young writer with a music column I was lucky enough to meet many of my rock idols such as Judas Priest, KISS, and the aforementioned Metallica (Jason Newsted era), but Ozzy was by far the warmest and most accessible of all.

My date and I entered his dressing room and were seated on a couch only to have Ozzy wobble over to us and say, “Please excuse me for one moment.” He then wobbled off to the restroom and left me sitting stunned in his dressing room thinking to myself, “Oh my God! I’m in Ozzy’s dressing room.”

I began to feel dizzy as all the questions I always wanted to ask him swirled around in my head. I thought of songs like “Secret Loser” and “Diary of a Madman” and tried to find a way to tell him how those songs had spoken to me and how much they had meant to me…how he had made me feel like I wasn’t a complete freak, alone in the world with no one to relate to. How as a teenager I had sat up late on winter nights feeling depressed and worthless, finding solace only in his music. How would I tell him how much more human he had made me feel to hear someone express these same feelings of isolation and rejection I had thought were soley my own?

This story is supposed to end where Ozzy comes back out and I don’t say a word, or he doesn’t come back out at all, but it was actually quite the contrary. Ozzy came back and sat with me, apologized again for keeping me waiting and spoke to me as a friend. He asked questions about my interests and answered all my questions. Then with a shakey hand he signed a limited edition demo disk “To Greg: Best Wishes, Ozzy”

It is still one of my most treasured possessions.

Here’s to Ozzy, The Godfather of Metal: He’s just the coolest.

Rungaga gungung rungaga gungung rungaga gungung gow!

I have great progress to report on the Fiesta Joe cartoon project as of this weekend! Thanks to the work of old band mates Tim Carper and Phillip Fricks and especially to Phillip’s son Kristopher, most of the musical score was recorded on Saturday.

I wrestled with the question of whether to violate copyright laws and use music from 1984 such as AC/DC, Iron Maiden, Dio, KISS, and other stuff we used to listen to a lot at that time, but the optimist in me kept thinking “what if this thing takes off some day?”

Of course the realist would then punch him in the neck and say, “Yeah, that’ll happen about the time the Colts win the Super Bowl.” This internal argument continued for years and it wasn’t actually the revelation of my flawed foresight regarding the Colts that had any bearing on my final decision.

What finally clenched it for me was just a sense that doing all original music was the classy route. I knew it would take extra time, extra effort and possibly even money I don’t have to spend on this project, but I’m creating an original piece of art. Now listen as the purist in me speaks up: “I hate borrowing other artists work, I hate doing covers, and I absolutely hate sampling.” There, I said it. I hate when people sample someone else’s original work, do something to it and claim it as their own.

That said, I’ll admit we did record a piece that was very close to the Imperial March (Darth Vader’s Theme), but changed enough that I think we’re okay. That was only justified by a brief appearance of the dark lord in the second chapter.

I had a great time working with these talented musicians and although I’m sure what we did seemed to them to be simple and silly, it will seem brilliant when it’s in the final product. They exceeded my expectations immensely.

Andy and I are conspiring again to complete the Dado and Joe dialogue as well as his vocals on the main theme song, currently untitled but the music is finished.

The first chapter and the re-launch of FiestaJoe.com are behind schedule but VERY CLOSE! Stay tuned…

I have to say a few words about beer, starting with mmmmmm…

Actually, with St. Patrick’s Day right around the corner I had to mention a beer I recently discovered which is not only a fitting beverage for this occasion, but is brewed each year specifically for the holiday.

I speak of Harpoon’s Hibernian Ale which is an Irish-style red ale whose name comes from the old Latin name for the Emerald Isle. Having already fallen in love with this New England brewery’s IPA, I was intrigued by the shamrocks. Also, being part Irish I’m intrigued by every beer as I must try every beer before I die and sometimes it takes several cases before I make up my mind whether I like it or not. One can’t rush such things.

I don’t want to write a commercial for the Hibernian Ale, but I highly recommend it to all you other drunken Irish…even if you’re only Irish for the day. Of course you can’t forget the Guinness as well, but if you’re a lover of real beer you cannot give this red a pass.

It’s rich full body is just barely balanced by the hops, which surprised me at first coming from the brewers of the aforementioned IPA. In fact, I’ve had many red ales (including one I brewed myself a few years ago) that were wonderfully full-bodied yet had considerably more hop bite. As my concerns rose, my impending panic was delayed by the smooth mouth feel and malty character. Then followed a burst of fruitiness in the aftertaste that rivaled that of a Berliner Weiss minus the clove. I was hooked.

So I just thought I’d do you all the service of passing on the word. We still have a few weeks until St. Paddy’s day, but it never hurts to be prepared.

May the luck of the Irish be with you and, fail that…may the beer of the Irish be with you.

Well, it appears as though my cartoon project was planned by the Bush administration. That is to say, I’m caught in a quagmire of my own.

Aside from delay after endless delay in recording audio, the more progress I make on the “Stoner Gnome” feature, the more obstacles are thrown in my path. I’ve noted some of the hurdles I’ve encountered thus far and the lessons drawn, but right now I’m struggling with one that deals with actually getting the movie to you.

The first chapter is nearly complete now, but when I try exporting the Flash project to any other format the audio will not sync with the animation. If anyone out there knows how I might fix this problem, please let me know. I’ve tried just about everything and I can’t seem to figure it out. When I’m working in Flash, it all syncs up beautifully, but then when I export it the frame rate seems to drop and it doesn’t matter if it’s .mov, .avi, .swf, etc. It happens the same with every format.

The good news is although I’m behind schedule, the first chapter is nearly finished and the website is under construction. I’ll let you know as soon as it’s ready. It is going to be light years beyond the old FiestaJoe.com for the two or three of you who remember it … much more interactive and packed full of surprises and laughs.

This weekend I will be working with Phillip Fricks and Tim Carper on some music for the soundtrack (weather permitting) and that should be the finishing touch.

Let me just leave you with these virtually coherent words of wisdom from Fiesta Joe himself: “You are the defining what ‘the you’ you is. Even if you’re letting them do the defining, it is you who are doing the letting them.”